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I Stay, I Go


5th February 2002

9:41am: Africa...
A few years back, I was sitting on my Throne (a dilapidated grey recliner), not doing anything really - just sort of staring off thinking, when suddenly faces started appearing in front of me. They hovered about a foot away and one face would linger for a few seconds then morph into another face, etc. Most of the faces were men, Asian & black men, and I instantly recognized them as being me. It was like looking in a mirror. They were all people who I had previously been. (This is not open for debate - it just is. There was a Knowing..)

The last face lingered the longest, about 10 seconds, and it was the face of a beautiful, strong yet tormented black man. He was looking down and face was full of anguish yet there was a piercing dignity about him. Although I could only see his face I Knew he was shackled..

During this period I was heavily into the study of a number of African tribes and I had a deep deep longing to go to Africa. I would talk of little else to my friends at work and one day, as I was in the midst of a particularly impassioned monologue with a fellow tutor about
my y e a r n i n g, my NEED to get there, she asked, "But Katia - why do you need to go to Africa so badly?" I quickly swerved around and shrieked "Because I have to get back HOME!!!" And in that instant his face came back - lingering in front of me. I knew immediately that it was his deep yearning that was still playing out in my lifetime.

Now I need to get there to kiss his cheek and lay him to rest.
10:41am: Day Two of my fast.
Well, I haven't eaten anything for 35 hours and I've drank only water until just a few minutes ago when I made myself a steaming hot cup of chicken bouillon.

It was to die for...

Yesterday evening I watched alot of 'story-lines' go by like "I'm so-o-o hungry!!" and "This is
so H A R D - waaah!" The truth is I haven't felt ANY physical hunger yet - only mental.
And since I KNOW they're just stories and not rooted in the least bit in reality, they shouldn't be very bothersome.
I just watch 'em float by like wispy clouds.

That's how I quit smoking too.

But that's another story...
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