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I Stay, I Go


8th February 2002

9:33am: Last day of Fast
Well, one more day to go and I can start stuffing my face again, ha.
It's been relatively easy y'know. Once you know the trick which is:


These stories are i n s i d i o u s. They have crept into our every waking moment and are the True Puppet Masters. Yea, you're going through your day OBLIVIOUS to them but they are RULING you all the while. They are making ALL of your decisions for you And there is no way you could know this unless you've practiced Mindfulness. There is no way you can seperate yourself from them unless you've practiced Awareness - soooo.....what are you doing here? GET BUSY!

Seriously, my stories wanted to EAT SO BAD but the reality was I just wasn't that hungry.
Plus I had my ol' buddy 'resolve' with me. (always..)

One thing i really admire about myself is that I've always done what I've said I would do. I've really never let myself down because if I did my self-respect would diminish and without that, what have I got? If I say I'm going to fast for 5 days (& I'm physically able to) then I'll do it. I said I'd quit the snigs on 6/1/99 and it's done. Period. I said my previous Panic Disorder would not enslave me like it does to the millions that suffer from it and I went out there into the world and Tackled It. I could never let myself down and NOT do it. If I say it - you can carve it into stone - it'll happen.

I've decided my first meal will be Z making me breakfast in bed in the a.m. (He's quite the little house-wifey type - actually ENJOYS cooking & cleaning - omgomgomg i'm so blessed)
Lessee, two greasy brown n serve snausies. No, three. 1 egg over easy, I want that yoke nice and slippery. Then a piece of toast - LIGHTLY toasted mind you - all slathered in butter, no margarine for this girl. MMMmmmmmm, can't wait! Just under 24 hours and counting...

Then we can talk about other things - yes?
10:28am: Kafka
Someone just sent me the whole Kafka quote that I posted 2 lines from a coupla days ago.
Funny thing is they didn't even know I was wanting it.

Sweet, sweet synchronicity..

Here tis:

You do not need to leave your room.
Remain sitting at your table and listen.
Do not even listen, simply wait.
Do not even wait, be still and solitary.
The world will freely offer itself to you
to be unmasked, it has no choice.
It will roll in ecstasy at your feet.
-Frantz Kafka

Frantzy baby - YOU RULE!!!

Please try this. Just sit still for 20 minutes without any agenda at all and the ecstasy WILL come.
(Hey, it's ME talkin' - would I kidja?)
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