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I Stay, I Go

History

16th February 2002

9:27am: dish rags and dancing shoes..
I dreamt that I was upstairs in an unfamiliar home in Somewhere, Suburbia and suddenly I heard this music blaring outside - it was "Dancing in the Streets" and I looked out the window to see hordes of people, black people only, just swirlin' and strutting and dancin' in the freakin' streets! Wheeee! I flew down the stairs and into the scene and started dancing, energetically, with this guy, sorta shakin' it and skipping along, when suddenly he grabbed my hand and started to twirl me around and around until I turned into this tightly wrung dishtowel! Ha! Then he unravelled me, unspun me and I was me again - all smiles and gaiety, feet flailing and lovin' it.

But...what does it MEAN!??
9:46am: We Are So Lucky.
I'm feeling all googly and grateful thanks to this:

http://www.luccaco.com/terra/terra.htm


"There are a thousand ways to kneel & kiss the ground.." - Rumi.
10:02am: Rumi, my dear..
Well, the mere thought of Rumi sent me lunging across the room for my "Essential Rumi" book with the translation by Coleman Barks who is also a poet and did a magnifico job here.

Mebbe I should offer a daily jewel from it as soul food baby.

Here's today's offering from "All Rivers at Once".

Don't unstring the bow.
I am your four-feathered arrow
that has not been used yet.

I am a strong knifeblade word,
not some 'if' or 'maybe',
dissolving in air.

I am sunlight slicing the dark.
Who made this night?
A forge deep in the earth-mud.

What is the body?
Endurance.

What is love?
Gratitude.

What is hidden
in our chests?
Laughter.

What else?
Compassion.
11:33am: drum..deep..down..
I am someone who derives immense enjoyment out of pounding on a dead animals flesh..


Now, what does THAT say about me...??
4:23pm: just a drop of the ocean baby..
I feel like I'm slowly slipping into my own
beautiful, dreadful Winter.

Y'ever look at your hands & y'notice they're starting to age & you just want to GRAB a HOLD of TIME with ALL of your MIGHT and FREEEEEEEZE IT!! NOOOOWWWW!!!

Ohmygodohmygodjuststandstilltimeohpleaseohmygodohpleasestandstill

Co's you almost can't bear what's to come.

But you will, of course, you must.

Bravely & with dignity. (I'm tempted to put a question mark here, ;)

I have a beautiful, elderly woman on video saying, "Wrinkles are delicious"! She even makes these little slurping sounds as she hisses 'de-lish-ussss'.

Poor, sweet Cracked One..

I am just going to flow down as gracefully as possible..

Try to know and feel grateful that I'm part of sweet mother nature and I must arise, dwell & cease like all else in this wondrous One Song.

(well ..when you put it THAT way :)

Breathe out & Be in a perpetual state of Letting Go..

This is the only true panacea.

Well, that and peanut butter M&M's.*


(*there goes the 'w/dignity' part..)
10:55pm: here fishy, fishy...
Did I mention that all my blinds are gone? (Ack! You PROMISED never to talk about window treatments lady!!) So instead of my usual hibernating cave-like feeling, it feels like I'm living in an aquarium. I think I just saw a naked body. I saw a mass of flesh in motion anyway. Across the way. Too bad there's a fern the size of Texas hampering my view.

Yea, the workmen were in giving us all new windows, flooring, lighting fixtures and outlet plates these last coupla weeks. (Hey Nder - double-pane asskickers with screen - wheee!) I told them they could NOT have my gorgeous teal green carpet in exchange for boring beige. No argument there. But the new kitchen tiles are so,so, NEW and bright and clean and yum. Well worth having my life in boxes for.

And living in an aquarium..
11:39pm: Is SNL still funny? Hope so!
I just love when everything goes according to plan and it's such a startlingly rare occurence in my life that I need to make a special mention of it here.

I took my nappy at 5 pm. Phone rang 9:30-ish. It was Z informing me that he's feeling a wee bit better but now he's got a fever, 101.5. OK, still fairly mild.
But Boy! You Beautiful Boy - you woke me up giving me enough time to cook a decent dinner of some pasta & meat sauce (had to cook that hamburger TONIGHT!) and do a bit of journalling before I lay down all propped up and pillow pampered to watch a hopefully hilarious edition of "Saturday Night Live".

This is just how I wanted everything to go..


Good day.

Good night.

Wishing you were here.

Hoping you'll be there..
11:49pm: Ha! Joke's on me!
Just moments ago I was basking in the warm glow of knowing that Life is good and all is going according to plan, and I slung myself into bed, under my much beloved old patchwork quilt to ready myself for a night of giggly outbursts watching SNL and you'll be happy to know that I was FOILED, BRUTALLY FOILED. Co's SNL's been pre-empted by the most snoring of events, an Olympian game of ice hockey....zzzzz....

NOW WHAT DO I DO???
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