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I Stay, I Go


15th March 2002

2:36pm: I used to wake up, pad over to the balcony, look out in bleary awe, and then fling my arms out wide while arching my back and throwing my face back. I'd hold that position while thinking "Oh my god this world is so beauteous and I am soo grateful to be here."

(& also, oh my god this stretch feels so g o o o d)

I think the gesture was like an offering too, a way of saying, "I am wide open to receive it all".

Then I read in one of Rilke's books that the posture I just described was actually the Original posture used for praying. And I thought, yea...it WAS a prayer. Not a prayer to Big God guy in sky - I don't shwallow that shwit - but that embodiment of gratitude was the ultimate prayer..

Ah hell, I'm all jacked up on flu meds and blathering..

bye bye now.

current mood: dazed
current music: the sloshing of brain fluids
5:24pm: The hours of my life just melt away in front of this monitor.

But this doesn't quite feel like real life to me.

I wonder if it's an escape.
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