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I Stay, I Go


16th March 2002

8:10am: whirling white world
It's early morning & snowing here in Seattle.

Big clumpy flakes fluttering straight down windlessly.

Everything is covered in a thick blanket of white silence.

11:16am: I went for a walk this morning. It was just before most folks were even awake and there was hardly any cars or movement at all. It was so still except for the chunky white snowflakes flitting down. I felt like I was walking through a dream. I raised my face and opened my mouth wide, sticking out my tongue to catch the cold wet clusters. At first I hesitated to stick out my tongue at all but quickly banished the thought and yearned to see more 'grown ups' lapping up flakes like giddy kids. "I'm gonna LIVE this life, dammit!" Ah, fear. You're so lame. So I'm traipsing around, mildly astonished, reeling a little- god it's so beautiful. Suddenly the clatter of a screen door as 3 people come bursting out of their home- all jubilant & laughing & boucing with their arms open & hugging each other. Made the scene seem even more surreal but filled me with a small warm joy.

I want to see people doing this every day.

I want to be someone who feels that joyous every day.

Do you think this is possible...?

current mood: staring blankly at screen, pondering...
current music: desperate-for-dough David's lead feet.
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