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I Stay, I Go


17th April 2002

9:05am: And the Prize is.....
I saw the hand-written envelope resting atop all of the sale ads in my mailbox.

My heart jumped as my hand bolted in to snatch it from the tomb.

Laura Stewart, Atlanta, GA.

It was here. It was reeeeally HERE - my fingers fumbled excitedly, hurriedly, tearing at the glued flap, prying, ripping and finally freeing the contents, spilling it out onto my sweaty palm.

A cardboard cookie with little ink-drawn raisons on it.


And don't think my eyes didn't search every crevise of that envelope, 2 no 3 times looking for more.

Yeah, I'm a gweedy wench.

Thanks bozo.

11:34am: Oh Dear Strange Ones...
So, as I've alluded to before, I LOVE strange people. They are truly the spice of life! As of now, my circle of friends is relatively strange-free but here's some old favorites:

I knew a guy back east who had to wear a gnarled mish mash of coathangers atop his shoulders and completely surrounding his face - in order to ward off the mind-controlling radiowaves. Seemed to work too!

I used to have a friend who looked like a beautiful fairy queen and she would always see puddles growing around my feet. I yearned to see them too. (Tho' I could hear a tiny locomotive inside her kitchen wall and she couldn't, so we were even.)

My friend, Tom, had mannequins everywhere in his apt. They would greet you at the door, one held the toilet paper for you, they'd sit in chairs nearby and watch you blankly as he flitted from one project to another, completely oblivious to your presence. He would coax the neighborhood kids to come to his Sunday Services by promising porn afterwards. So they'd file in every Sunday morning and he'd be playing his Fisher-price toy keyboard while insanely singing made-up praises and then, when everyone was seated he'd extol on the Almighty's virtues for 5 minutes or so. Then for about 2 hours afterwards he'd project porn flicks HUGELY taking up a whole wall, and upside down. I could go on & on about him boy...

And I'll close this by telling you about dear, dear Rose. An 86 year old lady whom I used to go visit every Tuesday afternoon and whom I grew quite fond of. She'd have me sit down in a chair, a garbage bag between us, and we'd sift through every piece of her trash to make sure that a letter that she never wrote wasn't hiding in there somewhere. She could only throw it away if it had been fully inspected so you had to make like a jeweler with a loupe and put everything within a couple of inches of your eyes, turning it suspiciously until she was satisfied that the letter wasn't crouching there just waiting to leap out! Funny thing is that she KNEW that the letter DID NOT EXIST, knew indeed that she had never written it, and yet, it held her in terror every day - the thought that it might be hiding there somewhere.

I must speak of her again another day. She was truly a marvel.
1:14pm: I felt guilty for not doing it so here tis Anois...
1. How tall are you? 5'9"

2. If you could own one thing that hasn't been invented yet, what would it be?
I want it to someday be mandatory for people to wear a bullhorn broadcasting their thoughts.

3. One year in prison for something you didn't do or say you did it to get a year's probation? I would kill for a year's solitude in prison. *grin*

4. Do you believe human beings are instinctually monogamous? Why? No way. I'm not at all sure why we went that route either. Some romantic notion or other...

5. Describe the immediate area surrounding your computer. Eye-camera thingy on top of monitor. Bajillions of posty notes everywhere with vital tidbits that I'll prob never throw away or look at again. One cardboard cookie. PENS EVERYWHERE! Stereo, dictionary, thesaurus, Rilke bks, Rumi book, poster of about 100 kittys, a scarecrow.

6. You're having a dinner party with 6 well-known, currently living people. Who do you invite? H.H. Dalai Lama & his 5 other emanations. Maybe Tim Carrey for some comic relief. or Woody. Bill Moyer is like the culmination of all the great Minds he's ever met so HE'D be interesting as heck. (Yes, this is a VULGAR-FREE post kiddies)

7. Name an article of clothing or an accessory that you don't have but would like to own. A corset.

8. Name 3 things you'd like to do in this lifetime but haven't yet. Drum with a Malinke tribe in W. Africa, meet someone who thoroughly "gets" me, go hang-gliding - ahhhh, to feel what it feels like to fly...

9. If you could return to life (after death) as an adult, retaining the knowledge you gained in this lifetime, and you could choose a different local and era, where and when would that be? This era - The Hamana region of Guinea, w.afr. Those drummers are the BEST jazz musicians inna da world!!! Either that or a monk in a Nepalese monestary.

10. Who cooked the best breakfast you ever had? What was it?
A lil' ol' kitchen in W. Sea called "The Cookbook Cafe". Gone now, pity. The lumpiest greasiest tastiest graviest biscuits I evah did see.

11. Where do you go to meditate and think? The forest. Deep into the forest.

12. Share a lesson you've learned. It's all arising, dwelling & ceasing so don't attach.

13. What does your favorite pair of shoes look like? I think they're called Dockers? Black strapped slip-on sandals. I wear them through every season. Color me comfort and ease.

14. If you could commit one crime - one free crime, no consequences - what would it be? Cleaning out a bank's vaults.

15. Do you believe in heaven? Even if you don't, if you could design it, what would it look like? I believe in mind and that a heaven can reside there. It would just be every imaginable desire instantly realised.

16. Tell me about someone I probably don't know about. My friend Kathy. She died in a car that I was in moments before, now mangled and wrapped around a lamp post.

17. What are the things you like best about your life RIGHT NOW? I am so blessedly drenched in Time. A pauper monetarily but so wealthy with time & space in my life. I love that I have 2 beautiful boys and that they're gone half the time. I love the Balance in my life. And the rhythms.

18. What would you like to be doing with your life 5 years from now? The same thing but more deeply into me. Maybe in 10 years, teaching in Africa.

19. Go for a mental walk and pick up 5 imaginary objects. What did you get? A walking stick, a begging bowl, a saffron robe, a razor, a flower (= enlightenment! Wheee! Great walk!)

20. If I ask you to build something, what's the first thing that came to your mind? A hut.
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