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I Stay, I Go


13th May 2002

9:56am: Had a good mellow/RAWKING/mellow kinda wknd.

Me, Michael, Ricardo, and Ryan went to Vashon for the wknd. We stayed on Levin's land deep in the forest. He has no elec or plumbing - just him and his yurt, a wood stove and a solar heated shower-inna-bag.

We could live with so little and be so happy.

I brought my Zakky and his little friend, Dev. Zakk is SOOO materialistic and thinks happiness is to be found OUT THERE in THINGS. Woe is he. I was utterly amazed and delighted to hear him say, upon our return from Levin's land, "Y'know, I'd like to live like that. Out in the woods with so few needs..."

Well......it's a start.

Current Mood: drained
12:59pm: Oh, yeah.

Decided to stay home today.

Z was feeling oogly last night w/vertigo & heart palps. Sounds alarming but he's seen a few of these in the past, usu. lasts a few days. So I allowed myself to think I was going to take today off. But he woke up feeling better and decided to go in. And since I had already revelled in the idea of today off I thought why go and blow all that?

So color me cozy.

*fluffs pillows*

*blows kisses*
1:39pm: I remember never being able to get to the top of the ropes in gym class.

I could only get about a 3rd of the way up. Just never could get a proper grip, I suppose. And I didn't have that relentless hungry kind of spirit I later developed. Was quite blase about most things then. I'm sure that somewhere, underneath your mind, you remember things like that. I'm sure they have an effect on your esteem; some way, some how, they do. That's why, when I saw the pole, something in me just KNEW that NO MATTER WHAT I would not give myself permission to quit. I put my hand on the steel and ran my fingers down the coolness of it. Smooth. Sensual. Yes, phallic. That did not escape me. I put my cheek to it and looked up to where it ended and then, just sky forever. I could not fail because who I am today does not give up. Who I am does not take no for an answer. Who I am does not buy that I am unable.

And so, of course, armed with that kind of ammo one cannot fail.

I did not fail.

Current Mood: accomplished
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