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I Stay, I Go

History

15th October 2002

8:54am: "The police"?

I rolled in the bed and propped myself up on wobbly elbows.

"What's going on?"

I had heard the buzzer and Zakk whispering "Who is it"? into the intercom. "Police." I had even heard the faint knock on the door. I squinted at the clock. 6:38. I heard a brief hushed exchange at the door and then, silence. I quietly prayed that I'd slip back into slumber. I had already made up my mind that the cops were here for Angela upstairs. She must have gotten drunk again and had a scrap with her boyfriend. She's a wildcat that one. Sleep never came, just that bleary middle place that yearns for it. Just before the boys left I heard Shane ask "What is it?" It was time for me to get curious.

"What's going on kids?"

"There's a package for you Mom. The police brought a package." First thought- a summons. My mind flashed on like a spotlight searing across the sky of my mind, frantically searching for anything naughty I may have done lately. *smirk* Nope- no naughtys.

ahhhhh, a n o i s . . . . .

Zakk shuffled in with a brown envelope. A shiny red ribbon dangled along side with a pale pink card attached. "TO WHOEVER FINDS THIS... ~KATIA~ and I opened it...

WE ALL LOVE YOU.. XX

I could not believe it.

Someone(s) must have read this and gotten the idea to splay some crazy beauty all over my life. Inside the envelope were 4 small books.

* Snows of a Southern Summer by Cate Compton. tinywarrior
* The Key by Verian Thomas. verian
* My skin around me by Adrienne Lee.
* filling the silence with a sigh by Deborah Swain.

*swoon*

I sank back into my pillows and closed my eyes and breathed in the joy that was expanding out into my heart and my blood and my pores. I was utterly filled with a happiness, an unspeakable happiness, a happiness that was awed by the fact that I'm surrounded by such kind, thoughtful loving AWESOME PEOPLE. I feel so utterly blessed and grateful. Blessed and grateful. Blessed and grateful.

I had to clap and sing!
I used to be respectable and chaste and stable,
but who can stand in this strong wind
and remember those things?


~Rumi

Yes, today, anoisblue, I clap and sing and make large merry disturbances and think of you and grin and laugh and wish I had you in my arms. I love you my blue bell, I love you. xoxoxox
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